


Somewhere To Belong

by LinkInThePark



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel Secret Santa 2020, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Shower Sex, Winter Picnic, in this household there is no s15e20, sharing blankets, this fic has it all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinkInThePark/pseuds/LinkInThePark
Summary: Cas is back from the Empty and Dean tries to help adjust him to his now-human life - or that fic where Dean and Cas go on a winter picnic together.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50
Collections: Destiel Secret Santa Exchange 2020





	Somewhere To Belong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pimento](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pimento/gifts).



> This is my secret santa gift for [@pimentogirl](https://pimentogirl.tumblr.com/), merry christmas!  
> Please enjoy ❤
> 
> title inspired by: [Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsCD5XCu6CM)  
> content inspired by: [The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUFJJNQGwhk)

Dean woke up when it was still dark outside. Not that he’d have known, the Bunker wasn’t exactly famous for its fantastic window sights. The winter sun was a hesitant guest these days anyway – coming up over the horizon late in the morning, barely peeking over the naked treetops that were sticking out into the sky like boney fingers, before setting again way too soon in the afternoon – but Dean liked to have these quiet moments just before dawn all to himself lately. The world seemed innocent in those hours.

Miracle was already wagging his tail when Dean opened the door to his room, pawing at his pants impatiently as if he wanted to tell him to hurry up or he’d pee right there in the middle of the hallway. Dean gave him a short scratch behind the ears and hurried to the bathrooms. He splashed some cold water on his face, then went and slipped on his jacket and boots before leashing Miracle up and opening the main entrance.

The air outside was so cold he could see his breath, and Dean regretted not wearing another sweater underneath the jacket. He let Miracle take the lead to find their usual route around the woods, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans against the cold.

Today was a special day. He had pondered long and hard about this, but he had decided, today was the day. 

He planned to take Cas out on a picnic.

Cas didn’t exactly know about this. Dean had dropped some hints at dinner last night that Cas shouldn’t make any plans for the day, but Cas still had his occasional troubles with subtextual communication. Becoming human had not really changed any of that – if anything, Cas just became more easily frustrated or angry with himself when it happened.

Cas adjusting to being human again over the past few weeks had been difficult – especially because it seemed to be for good this time. Every last drop of his grace was gone, burned out in a final bargain against the Empty to let him go. Dean’s memories of that day were hazy, as if his brain froze up every time he tried to conjure an image of that vast, dark _nothing_ he had freed Cas from. 

The first thing Dean remembered after getting out was himself on his knees, gripping Cas’ unconscious body tightly, head buried into the crook of his neck. Sam was there, too, talking, trying to get through to him but Dean wouldn’t let Cas go. Even the days after, when the angel-now-human was still recovering, Dean didn’t leave his bedside a single time. And when Cas had finally been in a state to hold conversations again, they had talked. 

It was maybe the first time that Dean had tried as hard as he could to not leave any room for miscommunications. He wanted Cas to know that he was still welcome at the Bunker – that it was his home as well as Sam’s or Dean’s or even Jack’s (he wasn’t entirely sure if a god even needed a home). He wanted Cas to know that Dean would not push him away, that he was wrong in assuming he could never have Dean. He could now. All he was asking was that they’d go slow.

It wasn’t perfect – the words were stumbling out of his mouth and he was nervous as hell, but Cas had given him an understanding smile. They didn’t talk about the confession itself. They didn’t talk about what it meant for them, for their relationship, but Dean felt like… he was getting there. Slowly, every day, a little closer. And it was the only thing Cas seemed to have endless patience for.

*

He returned to the Bunker as quickly as possible without disgruntling Miracle – he’d tell Sam to make his afternoon walk extra long as compensation.

But Dean had work to do.

He made his way into the kitchen and put on the apron Sam had gifted him for his last birthday. Tiptoeing in front of the fridge, he reached inside to get down the huge bowl covered in a dish towel – when he lifted the cloth, the heavy smell of yeast dough reached his nose. The dough prepared yesterday had risen nice and slow in the cold, just as he had anticipated.

He turned on the oven for preheating, then sprinkled some flour into his hands and onto the countertop to roll out the dough into a vague bread shape. Reaching behind his back, he snatched a knife from the drawer and cut up the topside of the loaf so the crust wouldn’t break while baking.

When the oven had reached the right temperature, he transferred the loaf onto a baking sheet and moved it inside. The recipe said the bread needed to bake for 20 minutes – just the right amount of time to wake up Cas. 

Dean wiped his hands on the apron and pulled it off before setting off for Cas’ room.

Most nights they both slept in their own respective rooms, even though Dean had to admit he liked the occasions when they stayed up late to watch a movie or binge a series and Cas fell asleep beside him, head tilted awkwardly against the headboard. He’d quietly close his laptop and pull a blanket over Cas’ shoulders, nudging him into a healthier sleeping position without waking him up. Cas didn’t seem to mind, because he was usually still there when Dean woke up the next morning. It was one of the steps of going slow, he guessed.

When Dean opened the door to Cas’ room, he was still fast asleep. Dean snuck to the side of the bed and caught a glimpse of Cas’ dark hair between the rumpled sheets. He thought he even heard a soft snore.

It was weird, watching him sleep. Dean had not been able to do that often the last time Cas went human – he looked way less grumpy than usual, the lines and edges in his face softened, for once not bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was almost a pity Dean had to wake him up.

He sat down on the mattress and gently shook Cas’ naked shoulder.

“Rise and shine, sleepy head. We’ve got plans today.”

The mound beneath the rumpled sheets moved sluggishly. Then, a low grunt. What Dean had assumed was the back of Cas’ head turned out to actually be the side when he lifted himself up and took a squinting look at Dean. He seemed to search for something to say, gave up and dropped his face into the pillow again. Dean felt his heart pick up the pace. Cas was a _cute_ morning grouch. 

He felt the urge to pet Cas’ disheveled hair, run his fingers through it – and in a moment of audacity, he actually went for it. Slowly he began rubbing the pads of his fingers against Cas’ scalp, running his hands through the dark curls and… Cas seemed to make noises of approval? Dean continued the movements for a while until Cas turned his head again, eyes a little more awake now than before.

“What do you mean by _plans_?” he rumbled.

“It’s a surprise, actually. We’re going to drive for a while, so you can continue sleeping in the car, if you want.”

“Who is ‘we’?”

Dean rubbed his thumb against the side of his mouth. “Well, uh, just you and me. A small road trip, if you will.”

Cas was silent as he thought for a moment before nodding in agreement and pulling away his blanket to get up. Dean hastily moved to the side, averting his eyes when he remembered Cas tended to sleep in his boxer briefs only. Okay, maybe he peeked _a tiny little bit_ when Cas stretched over to the chair to grab a shirt. He was still getting used to the fact that Cas actually looked like any other human underneath his usual suit and trench coat combo – that there was so much skin Dean never had had the opportunity to appreciate before.

He felt his face warming up at the direction his thoughts were going and excused himself to the kitchen, telling Cas to take his time getting dressed.

The bread was probably almost done baking by now - the air of the hallway leading down to the kitchen smelled like heaven. Dean put on the kitchen mitts again and carefully extracted the baked loaf from the oven, putting it down on a metal rack to cool down.

He rifled through the kitchen closet for a moment and let out a triumphant “Ha!” when he found an old wicker basket that looked like it came straight out of the 1800s. He knew he had seen that thing around before and it was just what he needed to transport the supplies he had prepared for the picnic – smoked sausages, some cheese, a small jar of honey.

He took his time filling the basket and wrapped the warm loaf of bread in a dish towel after, putting it on top. For drinks, he heated up some spiced apple juice and filled it into a thermos, as well as coffee into a second one.

By the time he was almost done, Cas entered the kitchen, sniffing the air with a smile on his face. He was wearing one of Dean’s henleys with a t-shirt underneath, barely hiding the fact that Cas was a little broader around the shoulders than Dean, and his hair was slightly less messy than earlier.

“You’re preparing food? Where are we going?” he asked, pointing to the basket on the kitchen table.

Dean shrugged, giving Cas a lopsided smile. “You’ll find out soon enough. Just dress warm, and take a scarf from my drawer if you don’t have one. Meet me at the Impala when you’re done.”

Cas looked at him curiously for a moment, then nodded and disappeared to do as Dean asked.

*

The drive was about two hours long. Cas decided to follow Dean’s suggestion and took a nap against the car window as soon as they hit the interstate. The sun was barely above the horizon and Dean had a hard time not getting distracted by the way the rays of sunshine illuminated Cas’ face, his stubble, the tip of his nose... Time and time again he glanced over to the side and every time he did, his stomach did a somersault against his ribcage. He felt like falling and flying at the same time. 

It was bliss, having Cas here with him, just the two of them on the open road. Maybe he should think about that road trip idea a little more – they could take a month or two off from hunting, pick out a road and just go for it. Give Sam and Eileen some time to be as lovey-dovey as they wanted (giving him and Cas some time to be as lovey-dovey as they wanted). 

But that was future talk. _Baby steps,_ he reminded himself. He didn’t want to chicken out on Cas again when things got serious. And maybe, for once in his life, luck would stay with him for long enough to let all those plans turn into reality.

*

“Dean, this is beautiful.” Cas’ voice was full of admiration as he looked out the car window and took in their surroundings. He had woken up just when Dean was swerving the Impala onto a gravel coated parking site. “And _cold_ ,” he added, as he opened the door to get out of the car, leaving the comfortable heating behind.

They had reached their destination, a small hill at the edge of a natural reserve. Dean had only randomly stumbled upon this spot of land when the Impala had broken down once after a hunt and he had been stranded here, waiting for the tow truck. 

He gave Cas the picnic basket to carry and fetched some blankets and cushions from the trunk (it _was_ pretty cold after all), then led the way to the spot he had in mind. 

“So… This is a picnic?” Cas asked from where walked behind him.

“Not just any picnic. It’s a _winter_ picnic,” Dean added and he could practically hear Cas’ subsequent head tilt.

“Isn’t it kind of counterintuitive to spend a prolonged time outside when the human body is so vulnerable to freezing temperatures?”

“Could be. But humans never do what we’re told. Just wait and see, it’s actually kinda fun.”

“I’ll trust your judgment then.”

They spread their blankets beneath a tall tree that was crowning the hill like a lone wanderer – Dean didn’t know what kind of tree it was, but it had to be pretty old, considering the huge diameter of the trunk and the way the roots had shaped the earth around it into cozy booth-like spots.

They settled down into one of the “booths” looking towards the valley. The view was almost picturesque, with its soft rolling hills and patches of trees in between. There was even a small lake a few miles north, if Dean remembered correctly. All things considered, it was a nice change from the flat planes around Lebanon and hopefully just close enough to nature for Cas to be able to relax from the stress of the last few weeks.

Speaking of, Cas was already watching the picnic basket with hungry eyes, his stomach seemingly having finally woken up as well. But Dean handed out the coffee first, filling it into small metal cups he had packed for this occasion. Cas took his cup with a grateful smile on his face, eyes lit up when he took a small sip from the still steaming beverage.

While Cas was drinking, Dean cut up the bread into thick slices and put some honey on each. When Cas noticed the honey in Dean’s hands, he made an honest-to-god gasping sound and Dean didn’t even have time to warn him about the honey dripping down from the slice before it was gone into Cas’ mouth. He hummed approvingly while chewing and gave Dean a very happy and confident grin with his mouth full. It was downright adorable.

“So that smell this morning was the bread? Did you bake it yourself?” Cas asked after swallowing down the last bite.

“Yeah, I did. Bit different from pie, but after browsing through some online forums I found a good tutorial to make it work.” He deliberately left out the part where he had done a trial run last week and ended up with three small, rock-solid bricks that did not deserve the title “bread” in the slightest. He had fed them to the murder of crows that lived in the woods while he was out with Miracle, so neither Sam nor Cas would notice.

Cas gave him a smile Dean could not quite make out the meaning of, looking down at the loaf in Dean’s hands. “You’re way more crafty than you tend to give yourself credit for. I don’t know how to put it but… the things you touch seem to come alive under your hands. It’s a marvelous characteristic of yours.”

Dean was too taken aback by the compliment to reply right away, and he looked at Cas who was holding his gaze now, eyes a captivating shade of blue under the clear winter sky. When the words finally settled in, Dean blushed _heavily_ and suddenly the chilly air didn’t feel all that chilly anymore. He looked to the side and mumbled a quick “Thanks, Cas” while fiddling with the bread. Cas had said Dean’s hands were _marvelous_ … – wait, no, that was not what he had said, but maybe what he meant? Should he return the compliment? He liked Cas’ hands a lot as well, but it would be weird to say that right now, right?

While Dean was still thinking about Cas’ hands and how much he would like to hold them, they continued to share half the bread and drink coffee, keeping the rest of it for later. Dean didn’t exactly have a concrete idea on how long they would stay here, but at least they wouldn’t starve if it turned out to be a few hours.

He noticed that Cas was slightly shivering now that the coffee was gone, and Dean spread out a spare folded blanket to pull it up over his shoulders. Cas accepted the blanket with a surprised smile, hugging the fuzzy fabric closer and shuffling around to find a comfortable position. They sat beside each other awkwardly for a moment. Then, suddenly, Cas lifted his right arm holding the blanket and gestured at Dean. The confusion must have been obvious on his face because Cas explained, “We should share the warmth. Your body is not any more resistant to the cold than mine.”

Hesitantly and unsure if he understood Cas’ intentions correctly, Dean skidded closer until Cas could wrap one half of the blanket around Dean’s right shoulder. Cas didn’t seem satisfied with the blanket situation yet, because he reached behind them to get another one and pulled it over their shoulders as well. But the blankets weren’t made to cover two grown men that sat five feet apart ‘cuz they’re not gay awkwardly far from each other, so Cas moved as close as he could into Dean’s personal space until their sides were tightly pressed together.

Dean had to turn his head fully to the left to look at Cas now and when he did, their faces were so close their noses were almost touching – nope, better look the other way.

The heat radiating off of Cas’ body was pretty nice, though, he had to admit. Unconsciously he leaned a little more onto him, nervousness he didn’t know he had held slowly bleeding from his muscles under the warmth. From the corner of his eyes he caught a content smile on Cas’ face, who was looking ahead into the distance. Maybe this idea hadn’t been so bad after all. Even though it was colder than Dean had anticipated. But seeing Cas like this, sharing a blanket with him under the bright winter sun – it was worth losing one or two toes to the frost.

“Thank you for bringing me here. It’s beautiful,” Cas finally broke the silence. “You’re always so thoughtful.”

“’m not,” Dean mumbled, but then added, “You’re welcome. I thought you could use a day out after the last few weeks.”

“I did. Adjusting wasn’t… easy. It does help that I’m not homeless and out of food or money opposed to last time–” Dean let out a small, guilty wince at the mention “–but all the physical changes are more tiring than I remember. This body is vulnerable and so exposed to its environment, not to speak of all the primordial needs like eating or sleeping. I thought having been around you and Sam and all the others for so long would help, because it made me familiar with the daily routines of a human, but I forgot how overwhelming it all is.”

“Well yeah, you didn’t spend all your life learning to live with those needs, getting accustomed to them like any ordinary human,” Dean replied, pondering.

“You’re right. Although I highly doubt, I will ever get accustomed to cold temperatures like these, no matter how much time goes by,” Cas added with a half-hearted chuckle and rubbed his hands to produce some warmth.

Dean didn’t know what came over him. Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing, maybe it was the fact that they were already sitting so close – he stretched out to the side and took Cas’ cold hands into his own. When he realized what he had done, it was already too late to cop out. His heart started pounding so hard he felt it pulsing inside his own ears.

He didn’t dare look at Cas at first, afraid of what he would see on his face. Afraid of what would show on his own. When he finally glanced to the side, Cas was watching him, occasionally glancing down on their joined hands. Dean felt a movement under his fingers – Cas had adjusted his position, so their hands now lay more comfortably against each other. Absent-mindedly and hyper-aware at the same time Dean started stroking Cas’ hand with his thumb, _up and down_ , _up and down_. It took a few minutes until he felt Cas’ hands warm up, but he didn’t want to let go yet. 

Maybe…he didn’t have to let go?

 _Baby steps_ , the mantra resounded in the back of his head. _Well, talk about fucking baby leaps_. 

Dean cleared his throat and desperately tried to think of something normal to say, tried to act like holding hands with Cas wasn’t almost giving him a stroke right now.

“So, uh, I noticed your wardrobe is a little bit sparse and I thought -, I thought, we could, uh, maybe stop at a dress shop later and get you something nice to-,“ he started but got interrupted by Cas shifting at his side.

“Dean.”

“Yeah?” he replied a little too quickly, turning to look at Cas directly for the first time since they snuggled up under the blankets. Cas’ gaze was intense and goosebumps ran down Dean’s spine, but not from the cold. 

“I think I would like to kiss you right now.”

Okay, Dean was definitely having a stroke now. His hands would have started shaking violently if he wasn’t holding Cas’ already and his brain straight up blew out like a lightbulb.

Cas noticed his lack of reaction and already began opening his mouth to backtrack, but Dean couldn’t let that happen. No, Cas was here with him, and he gave Dean a chance, an opening, to finally act on the one thing he had wanted to do for so long now.

He leaned into Cas, head tilted so their noses wouldn’t crash, and pressed his lips onto Cas’.

Cas didn’t take long to respond, his lips moving against Dean’s hungrily, hands shifting until they were tightly gripping Dean’s shoulders. Dean lifted his own hands to bring them up against Cas’ jaw and nape, his fingers burying into his hair.

The rush of adrenaline in his veins felt both breathtaking and intoxicating. Kissing Cas was like a heavy fog lifting around him for the first time, everything around him shining crystal clear in a new found sense of awareness. It felt like an epiphany, like being grounded on the earth while floating a few feet over it simultaneously. Every last space left in his brain was occupied with the sensation of Cas’ mouth against his, with the way their breaths mingled and the feeling of Cas’ cold tip of the nose pressed against his cheek.

When they finally broke the kiss, Dean was panting, his lungs feeling like he had just run a marathon. There were still only a few inches between their faces, but Dean could see the red of Cas’ cheeks and the clouds of his breath – apparently, Dean wasn’t the only one who had temporarily forgotten his body’s need for oxygen.

Cas was the first one who broke into a smile and Dean smiled right back, chuckling under his breath while he leaned forward again to press his forehead against Cas’.

They remained like that for what felt like an eternity. Sharing warmth, sharing their breaths, sharing their profound bond that had existed for so long between them; the bond that had been bent so often, but could never be broken. Not by Chuck, not by anyone else who tried to strip them of their free will.

*

They stayed for a few more hours after, eating the rest of their provisions and drinking heated apple juice to warm up from the inside – when they had emptied that thermos as well, they decided it was time to go home. Dean had stopped feeling his feet some time ago already and he really needed to pee.

They stopped at a gas station to empty their bladders and fill up the Impala’s tank. Just as Dean went inside to pay, he spotted a rack of hats and caps in the corner of the shop. A knit cap with yellow stripes and a big bobble that sat on top of the rack caught his eye, and with a smile on his face Dean took it with him to the checkout. Cas laughed when Dean showed him the cap, but he put it on his head and kept it there the whole drive home. 

The drive back to the Bunker was way slower than the one in the morning – soon after they left the gas station it started to cloud up and eventually snow started to fall, impeding the traffic as nobody wanted to end up with their car in a roadside ditch.

They were listening to some random radio station on low volume as background noise, when Cas suddenly asked, “Do you remember the mixtape you gave me?”

Dean almost let out a barking laugh at that question. Of course he remembered the freaking mixtape.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“There’s a song on it, I forgot the title – the second to last one. Do you know which one?”

“ _Whole Lotta Love_ ,” Dean already replied before Cas could barely end his sentence. He earned a big grin for it.

“Do you have it around on your tapes?”

Dean motioned for Cas to open the glove compartment, telling him to look for the one labeled ‘Led Zeppelin II’ and put it into the deck.

 _Whole Lotta Love_ was the first song on the A side that started blaring from the speakers and Dean saw Cas moving and mouthing along the lyrics from the corner of his eyes.

If Dean hadn’t been in love with this guy already, now would probably have been the perfect time to start falling.

*

It was already dark when they arrived back at the bunker, their asses completely frozen off to the point even the Impala’s heating could not thaw them.

They both felt tired and giddy from being out in the cold for the whole day and Sam only peeked out of his room shortly to greet them – their shared looks and smiles were probably telling enough to not ask further.

“I think I’m gonna go and take a hot shower first, get some circulation back into my toes,” Dean said, pointing to the bathrooms, and Cas nodded in agreement.

“That sounds very good. I’ll be doing that as well.”

“Oh, uh. Alright.”

They temporarily parted to grab some spare clothes from their respective bedrooms and met again at the showers. The men’s bathroom had six shower stalls altogether, but only four of the showers were actually working. 

It was a little awkward, undressing right beside Cas. He pointedly didn’t look where he assumed Cas must be standing butt naked right now, but one leg of his trousers thwarted his plans – just as Dean tried to pull his foot through, he got caught and hobbled around inelegantly for a moment, trying to regain his balance. He was already expecting an unpleasant meeting between his rump and the cold, hard tiles of the bathroom floor, when a strong arm grabbed him and stopped him from falling.

Before Dean could restrain himself, he looked up at Cas – thank God, he was still wearing those boxer briefs. It didn’t stop Dean from letting his eyes wander for a moment, though, and he noticed that his dick was perking up with interest at the view. _Fuck_ , no, that was the worst timing possible. 

He pulled himself up to standing position again, gave Cas a quick embarrassed smile and turned away to grab a towel. He heard Cas shuffle around at his back, then the noise of the shower curtain being drawn closed. Dean let out a quick breath of relief and stepped into his own stall, closing the curtain behind himself.

He felt like a damn teenager again, and he didn’t like it. Every corner of his body was tingling and his hormones seemed to be riding on a freaking rollercoaster. He really needed to get himself under control again.

He turned the handle of the water temperature to the blue side and stepped under the spray for a moment, cooling down his head and hopefully his body as well. When his teeth started chattering, he turned it back to red and let his head drop against the side of the stall. The hot water was a relief, and Dean just stood there, water pattering on his head for a while before he reached out to grab the shampoo bottle.

Only that the shampoo bottle was surprisingly light. Too light. Who the hell left an empty fucking bottle of shampoo in the shower? 

(The answer was _Dean_ , because Dean was a dumbass and this was his usual stall.)

With a resigned sigh he stuck his head through the shower curtain and peeked around the corner into Cas’ stall.

“Hey Cas, I’m all out of shampoo here, would you mind me lending me yours mayb-“

He honestly didn’t know what he had expected to see right then. Maybe not Cas, standing in the shower with his eyes closed, water running down a body that looked like it belonged to a Greek marble statue. Cas had his arms raised over his head to scrub shampoo foam into his scalp – and Dean wasn’t so sure anymore if he’d really win an arm-wrestling match against him. His biceps were _huge_ . Dean’s gaze dipped down deeper for a moment, and _that_ was a big mistake, holy shit. Cas was half-hard.

Dean cleared his throat, trying not to think about the fact that his face had to look beet red right now (he could always excuse it to the hot water temperature). Cas opened his eyes in surprise and gave Dean a signal to wait a moment, until he had washed out the foam out of his hair and slicked it back so it wouldn’t drop into his eyes.

Dean had entirely forgotten what his original question was. Instead, he said, “Wanna watch a movie later?”

Cas stepped a little closer and nodded. “Sure. I like that idea.”

When Dean still didn’t move back into his own stall, Cas gave him a confused frown. But Dean did not want to move back. Because that meant his brain would go and process all the images that burnt themselves on his retinas right now and he would inevitably end up with a hard-on again. 

His eyes flickered down to Cas’ mouth. Kissing somebody under the shower… He hadn’t done that in a long time. Slowly, he leaned in and Cas seemed to understand where this was going, because he met Dean halfway.

It was a little clumsy and both their faces were wet, but Dean smiled into the kiss. He could not get enough of the butterflies dancing around in his stomach whenever Cas made that little humming sound around their lips. Soon, the kiss (along with the shower stall) turned a little steamier – Dean felt Cas’ hands beginning to wander, exploring his neck, his shoulders, his chest. They left a prickling sensation on Dean’s skin and he crowded into Cas space until their chests were flush against each other.

That elicited a little moan from Cas, and the sound went straight into Dean’s lower belly. His hands slid down Cas’ sides, following the curve of his ass and to the front again where he rested the pads of his fingers against Cas’ hip bones. He felt Cas’ hips buck forward impatiently and when he broke their kiss for a moment and glanced down, Cas’ full erection was almost pressed against his own.

Looking up again, Cas had opened his eyes and watched him under hooded lids.

“Dean, I…” Cas hips bucked again, getting himself a little more fraction against Dean’s thigh this time, his gaze dark and heavy. “I want you to touch me.” There was a desperate edge in his voice and Dean had to swallow down hard before moving his hands towards Cas’ shaft, closing his fingers around it.

Dean tried very hard to dig in his lust-ridden brain for any knowledge on how to do this. He should probably do what he liked himself, right?

Slowly, he started moving his fingers up and down, putting a little more pressure towards the tip – and Cas let out a moan that was so loud Dean was afraid even Sam would be able to hear it in his room. Cas’ brows were furrowed in concentration, eyes closed, as Dean continued stroking him, and his breath came out quicker and quicker.

It wasn’t long until Dean noticed Cas tensing up, seemingly getting close. Dean doubled his efforts and soon Cas came into Dean’s hand with a shout. He panted for a moment, tension bleeding from his body, and he dropped his head onto Dean’s shoulder in exhaustion.

“That felt… way more intense than I remember.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Dean chuckled.

“It is”, Cas replied simply.

They went silent for a moment. Dean was thinking of something to say, even started opening his mouth to speak, when all of a sudden the water temperature changed and pure ice-water started raining down on them. The noise that left Dean’s throat barely counted as a squeak and they scrambled out of the shower in lightning speed.

“Seems like we accidentally used up all the warm water,” Cas said, half-laughing, doubled over to catch his breath.

“I sure hope Sammy already showered today,” Dean grinned after recovering from the initial shock. The cold water had calmed down the heat in his groin pretty quickly, and maybe that was for the better – he didn’t want to overwhelm Cas today.

He was beginning to freeze again now and he noticed Cas was shivering as well. He fetched some towels from the rack and draped them over their shoulders, mirroring the way they had shared the blankets earlier. Happiness was glinting in Cas’ eyes and Dean felt lighter than he had in a long time.

In a swift movement he pressed his lips to Cas’ temple and said, “Come on, cowboy. Dress up or you’ll catch a cold.”

“Do you want me to put on that ridiculous cowboy hat again, too?” Cas retorted flatly.

“No, that’s not what I… Let’s not talk about this right now.” He saw the smugness in Cas’ smile. “Are you making fun of me?”

“I would never dare to.”

It came out so sarcastically that Dean had no choice but to throw a shoe at him. 

They ended up spooning under the covers of Dean’s bed, laptop sitting on the nightstand in front of Cas while Dean lay behind him, head propped up on his elbow to look at the screen over Cas’ shoulder. They were watching an old ‘80s movie Dean had chosen in order to teach Cas some stuff about the romantic implications of gifting people mixtapes.

But Dean wasn’t really able to keep his focus on the movie. Now that he and Cas had crossed that special threshold of intimacy with each other, he didn’t really want to stop touching him. It was like a broken dam, all of the desire for physical touch he had held back for so long now pouring out, making him greedy. And the way Cas’ backside was pressed into his hips wasn’t helping with that.

At first, he thought Cas wouldn’t notice that Dean was rock-hard again, that he could wait this one out, even if his balls were slowly turning blue – but then Cas shifted even more against him and there was no way _that_ wasn’t intentional. Dean couldn’t help but let out a small gasp at the sweet friction the movement provided him. He felt Cas going still; then, slowly, Cas turned around and lifted himself up, until he was hovering over Dean.

“Cas, you don’t have to-.“ Dean began, his voice rough and low, but Cas shushed him.

“I’d like to return the favor, if you allow. I want to feel you, too.”

“Yes… yes, okay.”

Dean wasn’t really able to say anything else after that because Cas was already palming his length through the fabric of his sweatpants. He shuffled around until he could slip out of the pants so Cas had full access, and _god_ did those hands feel good on him.

He only noticed that he was making small noises at the back of his throat when Cas muttered something encouraging into his neck, stroking him with a firm grip that drove Dean slowly into madness. He felt the heat coil in his belly into a tight, intense bundle and he didn’t remember what tipped him over at the end – but he became undone under Cas’ hands, gasping and pleading and curling into his side, riding out the waves until he was completely and utterly spent.

He needed a few minutes to come down from the endorphin high, head pillowed on Cas’ left arm while his right-hand fingers ran over Dean’s clavicle and down his sternum. Dean lifted a heavy hand to cover his face – with the high of his orgasm fading, embarrassment began creeping into his mind. He couldn’t believe he had just let himself go like that. 

Cas’ seemed to sense his uneasiness because he pulled up the blanket a little further and put his arm around Dean’s waist, holding him into place like an anchor, until Dean felt grounded enough to slowly drop his hand again.

Cas was smiling down on him fondly.

“What?” Dean mumbled.

“I really enjoyed today.”

“You did?”

“I did. All of it.”

Dean smiled shyly. “Me too. All of it.”

 _Baby steps_ , he heard his subconscious whisper.

“Cas, I-“ He started, and Cas watched him so intently that Dean struggled with the words for a moment. “I like being with you. What you said back then, before the Empty took you – it never left me. It gave me the grit to power through, to save you, to save whatever it is we had. You said you could never have me, told me that you-“

Dean choked up at the memories of Cas’ speech.

“That I love you?”, Cas provided softly.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded weakly. “And I know you’ve never planned on turning human again, that you’re a celestial creature made for a much, much bigger purpose – but you also told me that I changed you. That you learned to love the world because of, because of _me._ So, what I’m asking you here is: Will you stay with me? Stay _for_ me?”

For a moment Dean could not read the expression on Cas’ face. Then, he pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips.

“Dean,” he spoke, and his voice was entirely serious now, “I have told you before, but I will tell you again now: _I love you_ . Of course I will stay. I will stay as long as you’ll have me and I’ll be happy to grow old by your side. I chose humanity over and over again. I chose this. I chose _you_.”

Dean had a hard time fighting the tears welling up at Cas’ words. He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“ _I love you too_ ,” he whispered.

And like that, Dean Winchester finally found the place he belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> I am eternally grateful to my lovely betas [@wanderingcas](https://wanderingcas.tumblr.com/)/[quiettewandering](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiettewandering/pseuds/quiettewandering) and [@arvit](https://arvit.tumblr.com/)/[Arvi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvi/pseuds/Arvi) for taking up with my 2 am typos and the fact that this fic got almost twice as long as I originally intended.  
>   
> Find me on Tumblr under [@saminzat](https://saminzat.tumblr.com) if you feel like crying over DeanCas together :D


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